Why Do I Do This To Myself?

So a couple months ago I let #1 & #2 sign up for Soccer, it was a good experience and really helped out with #1's self esteem issues, which helped his anxiety and depression, not so much with the possible ADHD, but hey, I'll take what I can get. Soccer got over and life went back to normal... kinda. Except a week or so later, I started college, and EVERYONE in the house got sick, the last month has been SO crazy around here!

Last night we had parent teacher conferences... they went well over all, so that was good, minor issues, but each teacher came prepared with a plan for tackling or at least learning to cope with each one (Tourette's Tics especially!), which was nice. I like having other people suggest things instead of telling me "We have this, this and this problem with your kid, and we need you to do something about it."... nope, I like hearing "... but, I came up with a plan today and I'm going to try it out and I'll let you know how it goes!" - LOVE a good proactive teacher! Of course, she was #1's teacher last year so I think she was prepared with how to deal with us, hehe.

After conferences we walked around the school and checked out the Literacy fair they had going on, it was really cool to see some of the information about reading that they had available, and made me want to encourage the kids to read every night even more than I already did.

In the Gym they had Basketball sign-ups. #1 really wanted to do it, and it's free, so why not, right? RIGHT?!?!

Except I've already got a lot on my plate...
For example:

1. I work full time, and I work for myself, so I can't just take time off (See This Post For More On That)
2. I'm a full time college student. Yes, it's online college, but still, You have NO idea the workload associated with that unless you've done it, and let's just say thank GOD I have an understanding hubby!
3. I have 4 kids... two of which have strict sleep schedules and we get to live through HELL when those schedules are disrupted.
4. My husband doesn't drive... Long story behind that, but he doesn't. So I am the taxi driver of the family, which means from 4:30-5:30 Monday - Thursday, I'm occupied, no rescheduling of that.
5. I have special needs children that see multiple specialists of different types... that takes up a LOT of time!
6. As good as my husband is about helping around the house with cooking and cleaning... HE needs help with it all sometimes, so me being this busy is NOT good for his sanity!
7. #1 did sign up for Basketball... *Sigh*

Looking back over this list, it's easy to see why I have no sex life as of late!

Swine Flu?

So a few days ago hubby and I suffered celebrated our wedding anniversary.

Yeah, "Congratulations", Thanks... NOT!

Not saying I'm not immensely thrilled to add another year to our history, I LOVE being married to the man, but OH... MY.... GOD!

The ordeal started 4 days before our anniversary, and then a couple days after still...

Day 1: I get a phone call that hubby is getting out of work early... in an ambulance. He's having severe pain he thinks may be related to a procedure he had done months ago. I'm freaking out and meet him at the ER. They do an ultrasound, everything looks ok except he has severe bruising and some swelling. Prescribe bed-rest, anti-inflammatory and pain meds.

Day 2: I wake up completely and utterly sick. I'll spare you the details but I spent the majority of my day sleeping and/or in the bathroom. Conclusion: Hubby got absolutely NO help all day.

Day 3: I wake up feeling better, hubby is in more pain, we assume due to not being able to rest the day before. As the day progresses, his condition gets severely worse. BACK to the ER. Dr examines him and agrees with prior prescriptions, but also prescribes an antibiotic and a different pain med.

Day 4: I wake up feeling slightly ill again... just in time to hear the sounds of #2 running to the bathroom to repeat the day I had on Day 2. #1 has a majorly nasty sounding cough and a fever. I proceed to call the sitters we had lined up to let them know the kids will not be coming... and find out that it's probably a good thing because both sitters families are sick as well.

Day 5: Our Anniversary. Hubby still not feeling well, and resolved to stay in bed no matter what so he can get better. He tells #1 that HE will be staying in bed with him because he refuses to rest in his own room, hence being sick for a week. Call third sitter to see if she still wants to take #4... her son woke up with the flu.

In the end, our wedding anniversary was spent couped up with sick kids, a sick hubby, and nothing to do.

I resolved to join the sick bed and gave myself a severe case of SWine Flu.

Self Analyzing

I have always been an analytical person. I would spend hours in my bedroom as a young girl writing in my diary, analyzing my life, my thoughts, my feelings, trying to find the hidden meaning behind them all.

To this day I am still like that, I analyze my dreams, life experiences, I believe most dreams are symbolic, and if I pay enough attention to what they are telling me, they can help me prepare for things ahead in my life, or help me deal with things I am currently experiencing.

Some of my dreams have been quite disturbing, and leave me physically shaken when I wake from them. Thankfully my husband and his mother are both believers in dream symbols and have been able to help me understand some of what my dreams have been trying to tell me.

I'm not really sure why I'm rambling about my dreams, I'm just in the frame of mind to analyze myself.

Being self analytical has helped me through SO many hard times in my life, and is probably one of the main reasons I am still alive.

I've never really spoken much about my first marriage on here, it has been something I've wanted to address, but could never quite find the right words to express some of the things I went through. I suppose now is as good a time as any to try.

I experienced some horrendous things during my first marriage, ate for comfort, drank to escape, I was an overweight borderline alcoholic (if that's even possible). About the time I got pregnant with my 3rd child and COULDN'T drink, I began to see my life for what it REALLY was, for how bad it had gotten since the birth of my second child a few years prior. It was a reality I almost couldn't face. Through the first 5 months of the pregnancy I struggled with severe depression and anxiety.

None of my mental/emotional issues were helped along by the fact that my husband was also expecting a child with someone else. I tried so hard to save my marriage, as miserable as it was, I was always one to believe that once you marry someone, that's it. The end.

The girlfriend was in and out of the picture for a few months, and after my husband and I discovered that I was carrying twins, only one of which was living, it was a lost cause after that. He became concerned with her and the baby she was having, leaving me to mourn the loss of our child and worry about any potential hardships the remaining baby might have to deal with.

I had what I can describe as nothing short of a mental break down. I remember being curled up in a ball on our dining room floor, crying uncontrollably, wondering if life would just be better for everyone if I were dead.

The night I caught my husband and his girlfriend having sex in our bed, I lost it completely. It was about Midnight and I took off running down the road, I had no shoes on, I don't even think I took anything, I just ran out. I could hardly see where I was going for the tears I had running from my eyes, and somehow I found myself sitting on the steps of the town library, right next to the dam of a small river. About the only thing that kept me from going over the edge of the dam that night was the baby I was carrying. I knew at that moment that I could have killed myself, but I couldn't kill someone else.

Anyway, it wasn't long after all of this that I left him. He threatened my life when I was getting ready to leave, and I got a protection from abuse order on him first thing the next day. It was the best thing I ever did, because it kept me from being able to talk to him and kept him from being able to convince me to come back and let my spirit be broken more than it already had been.

First thing I did after getting myself and my kids out of that house was to sign up for adult ed. I went back to school and less than 10 months later was attending my very own graduation ceremony where I received my GED.

The ceremony was attended by my parents, grandmother, my 3 children and the boyfriend I had started seeing just a few weeks before.

That boyfriend is now my husband and together we have 4 children and life is good!

ECHO... Echo... echo...

I know, I know, it's been a couple weeks since I've posted anything, sorry about that, been dealing with baby ear infections, doctors appointments, birthday parties, and work stuff, it left little time for FUN stuff like blogging.

Today I am a little nervous, I'm getting a haircut this afternoon. I haven't had a cut since January, and it was just a trim at that point. This cut will be quite the change, a good 6 inches or so at least. After 2 1/2 years the blonde hairdye is all but 2 inches grown out, this cut will completely eliminate all traces of the haircolor I had when I met my husband... and will be the first time in 13 or 14 years that my hair will be completely its original color.

Here's a few things that happened over the last week or 2 when I wasn't able to be here blogging:

• I learned, after being pinched mercilessly by an Earwig (Pincher bug) and doing lots of research on them, that NO, Earwigs do not STING you, they inject no poison, but they DO pinch and when they do that they don't let go and it FUCKING HURTS! EARWIGS SUCK AT LIFE!
  
• I became a soccer mom officially... Cleats, Shin guards, soccer practice, the whole nine-yards. SCORE! (so to speak)
  
• We SUCCESSFULLY hosted an Army theme birthday party, was very cool and hubby made an awesome cake (See picture above), there were about 12 kids here ages ranging from Newborn to 13, and not a SINGLE issue at all... We Rock!
• We took the kids to pick apples last night, bought 2 bushels so we can make and can apple sauce and apple slices (for pies and stuff through the winter). Yummy and Domestimacated!
• We got the "All Clear" from the urologist! Hubby is officially shootin' blanks, which means I don't have to worry about Sleep Sex! Now if only we had the TIME for sex.

Now... back to the real world for a bit, got work to do and errands to complete before it's time for my haircut... I may post pictures of the end results, or I may not... Yet one more reason for you to come back tomorrow!

You Never Stop Needing Your Mom

Mom: You crack me up.

Me: I do?

Mom: After 4 kids, you still ask me for advice, however, its been 15 years since I've had a baby

Me: Well, my other kids never gave me trouble about taking medication. (Baby has an ear infection)

Mom: I think its sweet... You still need me. Of course... I'm not sure how much help I really am, but I try.

Will You Pee In A Cup For My Friend?

So I'm getting ready for work this morning, and the phone rings, it's my business ring so I figure it's either a customer or a telemarketer (that's the only number of our 2 that is listed so telemarketers and survey people call that one). I look at the caller ID and it's a customer, probably asking if I'm open yet, so I answer, This is about the gist of our conversation:

Her: "Hey, you know, you're one of only 2 people I know around here who aren't like a total Crack Whore or something" (and I'm thinking like "oh cool, I've managed to avoid the local stereo type!")

Me: "Ok, yeah" (laughing)

Her: "So I have an ODD request, I have this friend who is on probation, and she has to see her probation officer and she needs someone to pee in a cup for her..." (Ummmm....... seriously?)

Me: (Stumped and stalling for time) "What exactly are they testing her for?" (Racking my brain for an excuse NOT to break the law, without totally pissing this chick off cause I don't know her very well and she's a good customer, and I need the money, LOL!)

Her: "Oh, things like Pot, Coke, Opiates, stuff like that."

Me: (IDEA!) "Oh, shit, I don't think I can... I'm on some prescription pain killers." (SHIT, remembering this chick used to work in a Drs office.... racking my brain for a name)

Her: "Oh, which one?"

Me: (Finally thinking of something I DO have a prescription for) "Tylenol 3, I don't think the test would come out clean cause it has Codeine in it."

Her: "Shit, you're right"

Me: "Sorry!"

Her: (Laughing) "It's ok, Thanks anyway!"

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Ummm. WOW! I immediately called my mom to tell her about that one, LOL. My husband is gonna have a fucking BLAST with this one LMAO...!

Comments Are Fixed...

I was wondering why I had NO comments on ANY of my blogs, when I CLEARLY have been receiving traffic! I check my stats multiple times a day once a week just to keep track of how much I'm getting and where it comes from, and KNEW people were staying and visiting for fairly long periods of time, reading at least a few posts, but no one was commenting.

Then on twitter I received a message from @Kiki_Mo (from Thystle Says) telling me she had tried to comment but couldn't. Hmm... Strange...

I have been sick since Friday, and getting the kiddos ready to go back to school today (Oh, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU SEPTEMBER!!!!), so hadn't had a chance to look into things.

Finally did, fixed the problem, tested it out, and YAY! I have comments!

Amish Macaroni Salad

This weekend was SO hot and muggy! We decided to take the kids to the beach, It was MUCH cooler there, and not nearly as sunny because of the heavy Sea Fog that stayed close to the ground.

We had made the decision in the morning to go to the beach that evening after I closed the store, so the husband made a LARGE lunch to hold us over until our late dinner that night after we got home from the beach.

Lunch consisted of Chicken Nuggets, Amish Macaroni Salad (a first time thing for us, it was premade from the store and given to us by a friend), and Deep Fried Potato Cakes (Fried in Canola Oil).

I opted for no potato cakes as I recently figured out that Canola Oil causes my Gallbladder attacks, and after tasting the Amish Macaroni Salad and deciding it tasted ok, but I would prefer my homemade macaroni salad that I had leftover in the fridge from the day before. So Hubby, Kids #1 & #3 had the Amish Macaroni Salad with their potato cakes and chicken nuggets, I had Chicken nuggets and my macaroni salad and#2 had Chicken nuggets and potato cakes because he didn't like the Amish macaroni salad.

I know, it seems like I'm rambling.

On the way to the beach, we took the long way, I like to explore different routes to different places in the area, as I have only lived here for 2 years and want to know the area as well as my husband does.

Along the way hubby starts talking about how he thinks he should have stayed inside after lunch and that he thinks being outside in the heat after such a large meal has made him sick to his stomach.

About 20 minutes into our trip #1 starts complaining that he feels sick. No big surprise, he is prone to motion sickness when in vehicles for long periods of time, so I pulled over and he does his thing beside the road. We backtrack some to the store we had just passed and picked up drinks for everyone. He seems fine after this.

We get to the beach, have a great time, the kids are awesome, and we vow to DEFINITELY return to this beach again in the future as it is Sandy, near home, and NOT crowded!

When we get home from the beach, half the kids are sleeping, hubby takes the baby out, the boys wake up and get out, and I get in the van to get #3 out of her carseat. She is asleep, so I wake her up and get her out and she's fussy, which is typical of a toddler who has just been woken up, and shes wet cause she had an accident, plus her sandals are full of sand from the beach, so I'm trying to get her into the house and she stops in the middle of the driveway and throws up... OH BOY... I yell to hubby and he doesn't hear me. After she's done, I try to get her to walk some more to get her into the house, and as we come around the van she stops and bends over and throws up again.... FUN STUFF.

I FINALLY get her in the house, and it dawns on me... Hubby wasn't feeling well, #1 threw up on the way to the beach, and #3 is throwing up now, and if I remember seeing remnants of Macaroni in the driveway after she was done.

It clicks that they all had the Amish Macaroni Salad.... the rest of us... who AREN'T sick... Didn't.

I mention to hubby that maybe it went bad in the fridge, we've been having some trouble with it not staying cold enough, it needs a new part, something we are saving up for. He agrees its a possibility. I take it out of the fridge to smell it and see if it SMELLS bad... it smells fine to me, and when I close the cover I notice the expiration date... August 16, 2009.... This all was happening on August 22, 2009....

Guess that explains it.