Self Analyzing

I have always been an analytical person. I would spend hours in my bedroom as a young girl writing in my diary, analyzing my life, my thoughts, my feelings, trying to find the hidden meaning behind them all.

To this day I am still like that, I analyze my dreams, life experiences, I believe most dreams are symbolic, and if I pay enough attention to what they are telling me, they can help me prepare for things ahead in my life, or help me deal with things I am currently experiencing.

Some of my dreams have been quite disturbing, and leave me physically shaken when I wake from them. Thankfully my husband and his mother are both believers in dream symbols and have been able to help me understand some of what my dreams have been trying to tell me.

I'm not really sure why I'm rambling about my dreams, I'm just in the frame of mind to analyze myself.

Being self analytical has helped me through SO many hard times in my life, and is probably one of the main reasons I am still alive.

I've never really spoken much about my first marriage on here, it has been something I've wanted to address, but could never quite find the right words to express some of the things I went through. I suppose now is as good a time as any to try.

I experienced some horrendous things during my first marriage, ate for comfort, drank to escape, I was an overweight borderline alcoholic (if that's even possible). About the time I got pregnant with my 3rd child and COULDN'T drink, I began to see my life for what it REALLY was, for how bad it had gotten since the birth of my second child a few years prior. It was a reality I almost couldn't face. Through the first 5 months of the pregnancy I struggled with severe depression and anxiety.

None of my mental/emotional issues were helped along by the fact that my husband was also expecting a child with someone else. I tried so hard to save my marriage, as miserable as it was, I was always one to believe that once you marry someone, that's it. The end.

The girlfriend was in and out of the picture for a few months, and after my husband and I discovered that I was carrying twins, only one of which was living, it was a lost cause after that. He became concerned with her and the baby she was having, leaving me to mourn the loss of our child and worry about any potential hardships the remaining baby might have to deal with.

I had what I can describe as nothing short of a mental break down. I remember being curled up in a ball on our dining room floor, crying uncontrollably, wondering if life would just be better for everyone if I were dead.

The night I caught my husband and his girlfriend having sex in our bed, I lost it completely. It was about Midnight and I took off running down the road, I had no shoes on, I don't even think I took anything, I just ran out. I could hardly see where I was going for the tears I had running from my eyes, and somehow I found myself sitting on the steps of the town library, right next to the dam of a small river. About the only thing that kept me from going over the edge of the dam that night was the baby I was carrying. I knew at that moment that I could have killed myself, but I couldn't kill someone else.

Anyway, it wasn't long after all of this that I left him. He threatened my life when I was getting ready to leave, and I got a protection from abuse order on him first thing the next day. It was the best thing I ever did, because it kept me from being able to talk to him and kept him from being able to convince me to come back and let my spirit be broken more than it already had been.

First thing I did after getting myself and my kids out of that house was to sign up for adult ed. I went back to school and less than 10 months later was attending my very own graduation ceremony where I received my GED.

The ceremony was attended by my parents, grandmother, my 3 children and the boyfriend I had started seeing just a few weeks before.

That boyfriend is now my husband and together we have 4 children and life is good!

How Many Water Options Does YOUR Faucet Offer?

At dinner the other night everything was pretty quiet, hubby was feeding #4 some pureed carrots, we were all eating our meal when #1 spoke up and asked plain as day...

"What is there for water?"

Hmmm....

Hubby, quick as ever, replied with "hot or cold, your choice."

Boy oh boy, it's never a dull moment in our house, haha!

Is It Ok To Flirt With A Married Man/Woman?

Contemplating: Is infidelity so commonplace these days that people feel it's really "OK" to flirt with a clearly happily married person? I mean sure, you may be attracted to the person, or you may have "been there first", but they are married... MARRIED, you know, emphasis on that nasty M word right there... Whether they are happy or not, I just don't feel that that is ok...

When a person marries someone, they are committing themselves to THAT person, not leaving themselves open for someone like YOU to begin or even continue the flirting, suggestive comments, or even eyeing them in any way, shape or form.

Once that marriage license is signed and someone's name gets changed (or not as the case may be), you need to respect the life decision that has been made, and back off...

Nuff Said.

If You're So Unhappy, Why Don't You Leave?

This is something that has driven me absolutely crazy, I see girls every day, have a few friends who deal with this crap daily almost and I HATE seeing them dealing with it... Unhappy Relationships.

I have been there, the unhappy, emotionally abusive, loveless marriage/relationship, so I know how hard it is to see whats going on right in front of you when you're IN that situation, and even when people try pointing things out to you, and all you can do is make excuses, and tell everyone "oh things aren't THAT bad, this doesn't happen very often, it was just because...... ________" Fill in the blank with reason of your choice why you're being treated like crap.

Men that are immature, lazy, disrespectful, and have "king-of-the-castle" mentality, "It's MY way or the Highway". SO many girls fall for these guys, fool themselves into thinking they are happy, and spend EVERY day complaining about things these men do.

For Example (and these are REAL things girls I know have said) -

* "He hasn't done ONE thing for the baby since he was born."
* "He doesn't respect me at all, I never feel like I'm wanted or needed."
* "He watches porn on the computer and then doesn't understand when I have no interest in sex."
* "He expects me to keep the house clean and take care of the kids all day, have dinner ready, and then doesn't care when I need a break in the evening and want him to help out with the kids."
* "All he ever does is sit in front of the TV playing video games all day."

Seriously girls, if you have SO many complaints about these guys, then WHY the hell are you still with them?!?!?!

Here are some excuses I've heard -

* "I love him."
* "We have kids together."
* "He's a great dad."
* "I have nowhere to go."
* "I'm afraid to leave and be on my own."
* "I don't have any way to support myself and the kids."
* "We are staying together for the kids."

SAD... There are ways around all of these... And chances are, yes, life will be hard, being a single parent is no fun (been there, done that) but there ARE people and places out there that WILL help you! In the end, it's PROBABLY better for ALL of you (ESPECIALLY any kids involved) if you DO separate...

Well, either get a clue and leave the idiot you're with, or shut up and deal with your misery instead of dragging EVERY one of your friends into the middle of it, cause honestly, we love you, we want you to be happy, that's why we TRY to help you when you're upset because of something idiot-boy said or did, but you never listen to us. It's quite obvious that EVERY time you come crying about the most recent incident that you are LOOKING for a way out, but whenever we TRY to help you get one, you make excuses and don't take it.

Sorry to sound like a bitch, but that's how it is.

Stupid Things People Say In Court

• Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
• Witness: "No."
• Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
• Witness: "No."
• Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
• Witness: "No."
• Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
• Witness: "No."
• Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
• Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
• Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
• Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."

Courtesy of: http://rinkworks.com/said/courtroom.shtml

Will You Pee In A Cup For My Friend?

So I'm getting ready for work this morning, and the phone rings, it's my business ring so I figure it's either a customer or a telemarketer (that's the only number of our 2 that is listed so telemarketers and survey people call that one). I look at the caller ID and it's a customer, probably asking if I'm open yet, so I answer, This is about the gist of our conversation:

Her: "Hey, you know, you're one of only 2 people I know around here who aren't like a total Crack Whore or something" (and I'm thinking like "oh cool, I've managed to avoid the local stereo type!")

Me: "Ok, yeah" (laughing)

Her: "So I have an ODD request, I have this friend who is on probation, and she has to see her probation officer and she needs someone to pee in a cup for her..." (Ummmm....... seriously?)

Me: (Stumped and stalling for time) "What exactly are they testing her for?" (Racking my brain for an excuse NOT to break the law, without totally pissing this chick off cause I don't know her very well and she's a good customer, and I need the money, LOL!)

Her: "Oh, things like Pot, Coke, Opiates, stuff like that."

Me: (IDEA!) "Oh, shit, I don't think I can... I'm on some prescription pain killers." (SHIT, remembering this chick used to work in a Drs office.... racking my brain for a name)

Her: "Oh, which one?"

Me: (Finally thinking of something I DO have a prescription for) "Tylenol 3, I don't think the test would come out clean cause it has Codeine in it."

Her: "Shit, you're right"

Me: "Sorry!"

Her: (Laughing) "It's ok, Thanks anyway!"

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Ummm. WOW! I immediately called my mom to tell her about that one, LOL. My husband is gonna have a fucking BLAST with this one LMAO...!

Amish Macaroni Salad

This weekend was SO hot and muggy! We decided to take the kids to the beach, It was MUCH cooler there, and not nearly as sunny because of the heavy Sea Fog that stayed close to the ground.

We had made the decision in the morning to go to the beach that evening after I closed the store, so the husband made a LARGE lunch to hold us over until our late dinner that night after we got home from the beach.

Lunch consisted of Chicken Nuggets, Amish Macaroni Salad (a first time thing for us, it was premade from the store and given to us by a friend), and Deep Fried Potato Cakes (Fried in Canola Oil).

I opted for no potato cakes as I recently figured out that Canola Oil causes my Gallbladder attacks, and after tasting the Amish Macaroni Salad and deciding it tasted ok, but I would prefer my homemade macaroni salad that I had leftover in the fridge from the day before. So Hubby, Kids #1 & #3 had the Amish Macaroni Salad with their potato cakes and chicken nuggets, I had Chicken nuggets and my macaroni salad and#2 had Chicken nuggets and potato cakes because he didn't like the Amish macaroni salad.

I know, it seems like I'm rambling.

On the way to the beach, we took the long way, I like to explore different routes to different places in the area, as I have only lived here for 2 years and want to know the area as well as my husband does.

Along the way hubby starts talking about how he thinks he should have stayed inside after lunch and that he thinks being outside in the heat after such a large meal has made him sick to his stomach.

About 20 minutes into our trip #1 starts complaining that he feels sick. No big surprise, he is prone to motion sickness when in vehicles for long periods of time, so I pulled over and he does his thing beside the road. We backtrack some to the store we had just passed and picked up drinks for everyone. He seems fine after this.

We get to the beach, have a great time, the kids are awesome, and we vow to DEFINITELY return to this beach again in the future as it is Sandy, near home, and NOT crowded!

When we get home from the beach, half the kids are sleeping, hubby takes the baby out, the boys wake up and get out, and I get in the van to get #3 out of her carseat. She is asleep, so I wake her up and get her out and she's fussy, which is typical of a toddler who has just been woken up, and shes wet cause she had an accident, plus her sandals are full of sand from the beach, so I'm trying to get her into the house and she stops in the middle of the driveway and throws up... OH BOY... I yell to hubby and he doesn't hear me. After she's done, I try to get her to walk some more to get her into the house, and as we come around the van she stops and bends over and throws up again.... FUN STUFF.

I FINALLY get her in the house, and it dawns on me... Hubby wasn't feeling well, #1 threw up on the way to the beach, and #3 is throwing up now, and if I remember seeing remnants of Macaroni in the driveway after she was done.

It clicks that they all had the Amish Macaroni Salad.... the rest of us... who AREN'T sick... Didn't.

I mention to hubby that maybe it went bad in the fridge, we've been having some trouble with it not staying cold enough, it needs a new part, something we are saving up for. He agrees its a possibility. I take it out of the fridge to smell it and see if it SMELLS bad... it smells fine to me, and when I close the cover I notice the expiration date... August 16, 2009.... This all was happening on August 22, 2009....

Guess that explains it.

Most Embarrassing Email You Ever Sent?

So I participated in a radio show this morning, people were calling in about the most embarrassing email they ever sent. There were a lot of them, about sending nude photos to the boss, venting about the boss and accidentally sending it to the boss instead of coworkers, etc.

Mine on the other hand wasn't an email but an instant message, a few years ago when I was trying out the online dating thing... I was talking to 2 different guys at the same time and was having a hard time deciding which way to go, but hey, I was pretty newly single and wasn't in any rush to decide...

I was chatting with both guys one night and a friend of mine as well, Guy #1 and I were having a really nice conversation and Guy #2 was flirting and being his normal pervy self. I went and copied the conversation Guy #1 and I were having, and went to my task bar at the bottom of the screen to open the messenger box to my best friend, Clicked her name, and without hesitating pasted and sent the conversation. About 5 seconds later I realized that instead of HER message box popping up, it had brought up the message box of Guy #2.

Needless to say, Guy #2 wasn't in the picture much longer, and Guy #1 is now my husband :)

You Have GOT To Be Kidding Me...